Königssee, Bayern, Germany,
Maik Lipp
The Perfect Daughter
Always striving for perfection
But
never enough
for you.
Harsh words,
they come so quickly and freely;
they have become my words too.
I feel like I’m living a lie.
I present to others the version of myself I have crafted so carefully and intricately, yet all the while knowing I can never be that person.
And the cracks show, they do.
When I lose control, of anything, the cracks get bigger, and longer, until something inside me, the real me, falls through.
People then get a glimpse of what is inside, and they are terrified. But I have become an expert at repairing those cracks, and they are left gaping at the intricate shell I’ve maintained for so long.
They don’t see it anymore.
Until the next time.
When will the cracks be so irreparable that everyone will see who I truly am?
Not knowing,
Is the worst feeling in the world.
I think I’ll miss the way you stare at me sometimes and shake your head when I ask you why. Or when you subtly smell my hair and tell me I smell good. Or the comforting, loving smile you give me when you see me in the mornings, or after I come back to you after leaving you for a while. Or the way you hold my hand and stroke my fingers so gently, or embrace my palm in both your hands. Or the way I get so aroused just even feeling our fingers graze in the dark, and you start playing with my fingers, touching me. Or when we lie in bed and you caress me so softly, softer than I’ve ever felt before. Or when you hug me so tightly that I feel I might stop breathing, and I can feel your emotions; you trying so hard to hold onto me because you know this could be the last time. Or when you hold my face in your hands, your thumb caressing my face, and I feel the warmth of your palm, and you tilt my chin up ever so slightly to kiss me.
I never thought I would feel like this with anyone else, but somehow you do. And it confuses me, because I know when we get back, all of this will, has to, fade away. And I really don’t want to break your heart. You deserve so much better; you deserve someone who will stay with you.
i took this in verona the morning after the arctic monkeys concert and everything was silent and still and i remember thinking that i would have given anything for the world to stay this way
Maybe I’m starting to fall in love with you.
Maybe you’ve started to make me question all the things that I was just settling for.
Or maybe when we get back, this would have meant nothing at all.
Maybe it’ll just feel like a long and beautiful dream.
